As I ...

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Why can't I explain my love for u ...

If you ask me to tell you
How my love for you really is
In words ...
I might fell silent instantly
Cos' I know, I'll just going to be like a sad circus clown
Who sings and dances
With thousand of people staring, clapping their hands
Some of them with laughters
But some of them will scornfully turn their faces
And when the curtain fall
I'll bow my head
Before I fell on my kness and wept
In shame
Cos' I've made a fool not just of myself
But also about the deepest feeling i've had for you
And let people look down on it ...

But when you look into my eyes
When you hold my hand and feel my heartbeat
Then you'll understand how it is
And hopefully you'll believe in me

A letter for stranger ...

Dear stranger,
Many days had passed since
And i don't know how to begin with
Should i say cheesy things like 'how are you'?
And what should i tell you now?
About the funny stories that i couldn't even remember one by one?
About good dreams that reminds me of our quality times?
About a heart that had broken so badly?
Why didn't i have enough courage to tell?

Dear Stranger,
Do you know few weeks ago
My friend told me this funny story
I wish to tell you but I couldn't
I guess that's why my laughther stop so quickly

Dear stranger,
Do you know last night ...
I flew over the moon?
I soared through the stars ...
But I felt empty instead of happy when I woke up this morning
Cos' I remember that all the time
I feel ever so alone

Dear stranger,
Few days ago I got papercut in my fingertips
It's not a really bad cut, really ...
But I don't know why it feels so hurting
I bit my lip to be strong
But tears running down my cheeks
I felt so embarassed, but i couldn't help it

Dear stranger,
I wish I could tell you about how I feel ...
But it seems so hard
Even though it's about usual topics like broken-heart
I couldn't even find a way to tell you
Instead i just let it go ... and walk away with a new wound in me

Dear stranger ...
I wish to tell you how I feel but I can't
It's just can't ...
Or else we're going to be total stranger ...
Worse than we're allready be now ...
And i'm too coward to face it

Dear Stranger,
Do you feel the same as me?

Another afternoon without u!

As the moonlight started to shine
I sat here all by myself
Singing my favorite song over and over again
Tried to smile and be myself again
Like how i used to be

Its hard not to remember what happened
Since the damned radio i once loved
Played our songs over and over again
Since all the wretched telly i once liked
Played our stories over and over again

They told me to be angry ... but i don't want to
They told me to shout ... but i don't want to
They told me to cry ... but i don't want to
They told me to forget ... but i don't want to

instead i just sat here all by myself
singing my favorite song over and over again
tried to smile and be myself again
like how i used to be

Although it's hard not to feel angry for you
Although it's hard not to feel like shouting at you
Although it's hard not to feel like crying for you
... i just thought that i had a wretched hair day and that's that!

As The Night Fall ...

As the night fall
I broke into a silent tears
Of what had changed in my life
And how I didn't dare to ask why

First I prayed for that day day to come
For you to find your shining star
So that when the candle I hold fade away
You won't be fall into darkness

But now I don't know if the voice of yours ...
The memory I still hold on ...
And every laugh I hear ...
Is real ... or just the sound of the night whisper?

After you found the shining star that leads your way ...
I don't want you to let it go, God please punish me if I do ...
But I just dont want to be left in the dark
With what's left in the candle I still hold ...

I tried to hold on into what's left ...
So that I can still walk, although I have to be alone
Don't let my tears ease away its light
Don't let my cry make your voice even more fade away ...

Cause I can't ever deny that ...
I don't want to loose you ...

Say it ... or just think about it?

Yup! tau2 gw udah 20 taun aja hari ini ... hehehe! ;p ga disangka ... dah 'mayan tua juga ya? hehehehehe ..

Thankz for Kak Pandu, my Mum & Dad, my bro, my friendz at FK UPH, n' also everyone (That i cannot mention it one by one) who send me text message. Thankz a lot ... bless u, guyz!

Special thanks buat Henny, Yela, Mario, Fresa, Neeya, Salvie, Jeannie, Raisa, Levina Sherly .. thank youuuu! This birthday won't be so special without all of u with me today ... thanks yaa ... oia, sama tadi surprise partynya ... thanks bangeett ... apalagi di tulisan 'Happy B'day'-nya ada spiralnya! Hehehe ... gw tunggu baygon lavendernya, oke Henny? Hehehehe ...

Saat ini gw lagi nulis blog gw sambil mendengarkan suara 'gerimis' yang merdu banget. too shy to say anything special on the comment place ... so i just listen to it and say all the nice things i can think about in my mind. Huehh ... padahal kan boleh2 aja nulis sesuatu yang special kan, apalagi buat 'Gerimis' special gw ini? Um! tapi menurut pengalaman gw nih ... sikap ekstrovert. walau dikit, kadang2 malah bisa menjebak loh! contoh nyata : GW NDIRI!! waktu gw SD, gw pernah suka sama seorang temen gw ... dari kelas 1. gw suka sama dia ya karena dia anaknya asik n' ... errr ... he's kinda cute too ... UNTUK UKURAN ANAK SD!! CATAT ITU BAIK2! kalo skarang gw inget2 mukanya lagi sih gw heran, sumpah, heran abiz kenapa gw bisa suka sama dia!

ANyways ... pertengahan kelas 6 (By God, gw bersyukur saat itu pertengahan kelas 6 jadi gw bisa segera keluar dari situasi brengsek yang akan gw ceritakan) gw mutusin buat bilang ke temen gw mengenai perasaan gw ke dia. oke, gw bilang karena dia cakep & baek ...

LALU APA YANG TERJADI??

DIA MALAH SOK2 KEGEERAN, SOK2 TERIAK2 SEPERTI MONKEY SETIAP KALI NGELIAT GW ... UDAH GITU NGEJEK2 GW LAGI DI DEPAN TEMENNYA ...

Huuuuhhhhhhh!!!

Makanya, lebih baik gw rasa mengenai si 'gerimis' ini, gw simpan dalam hati aja. Although i actually want to say ... *cleans throat* what i want to say is ... *cough* is that ... *choke, choke, wheeze!!* my drizzle, you have the most beautiful voice & the most beautiful eyes as well ...

Oh sure, laugh all you want! And i suppose YOU never tend to say anything like that to the person you like?!

Allrighty then! Hope that at my 20th year of life, i could find out what's the best. say it ... or just think about it? hehe

Jenuh!

Ugh. Jenuuhh banget beberapa hari terakhir ini. Segalanya di sekitar gw cuma bikin kepala tambah mau pecah aja. Entah itu kuis, tugas kul, dll. Nonton tv? Isinya cuma berita kriminal doang, si A dibunuh sama si B, si C mati kelindes truk, malah belakangan ini gw sempet denger kalo ada anak kecil umur 4 tahunan gitu yang mati di carre4 gara2 ketimpa rak! astaganaga ... Tuh! sampe kayak gitu aja kejadian! gimana kepala gw gak mau pecah dengernya?

Gak tau deh .. biasanya gw bisa jadi orang paling optimis setiap kali menghadapi kesulitan. tapi sekali ini entah kenapa gw bener2 gak tau lagi harus mikir positif kayak gimana lagi. Gw sendiri bingung apa gw pengen gw berubah apa enggak, soale proses menuju gw yang baru itu sangat membuat gw terganggu.

Yup2 ... gw juga sadar kalo gw ini kadang2 stuborn setengah mati, and i'm not little bit damn ashamed to admit it and i also don't give a blanketyblanketyblank about what people say about it. Gw emang keras kepala, keras hati ... tapi seenggak2nya gw gak konstipasi!! karena gw rajin minum vegeta 3x sehari! (Lho, apa hubungannya coba??) huahuahuahua ... gw mulai stress! >_<

Hhhhh! Kesaaaaalll kesal kesal kesal!! Semoga aja semua ini cepet berakhir!!